Jumat, 15 April 2011
This post gets quite depressing but I thought it might be helpful to see how other people cope with suffering from acne and then you can compare your own experiences to someone elses (mine!)
I've never had perfect skin; in high school I used to look at everyones faces and be jealous because nobody else seemed to have bad skin. Even the girls who were considered "fat" or "geeky" had nice skin so it made me upset when I thought about what people would say about me behind my back. This is when I started wearing make-up.
I remember being in dance class and having a conversation about appearances with some of the other girls and one said "Zahira [one of our class mates] is so ugly! She's got loads of spots, it's disgusting" and I froze; my skin was just as bad as Zahira's but I covered mine with foundation and concealer. I was mortified and I became more and more self conscious, I didn't want people calling me ugly!
By the time I started college in 2008 the acne had spread to my back, shoulders, and chest. This is when I started going to my GP and was prescribed creams and anti-biotics which had no effect.
I was wearing more and more make-up to cover the spots but I didn't know how to apply make-up also my skin is very pale so the majority of make-up I had made my face look orange and inadvertently made me stand out more.
I started getting large, painful cysts on my chin that were dry and couldn't be covered up with make-up so there was no way of hiding them. I used to pretend to be sick or beg my mum to let me have the day off because I was too embarassed to be seen. I went into college one day with one of these cysts on my chin and nobody seemed to notice so it made me feel more confident about myself.... until lunch time. The night before there had been a programme on TV about a man with a giant tumour on his face that looked like a "second head"; at lunchtime, a boy that I barely knew came over to me and said "What the hell is that on your face? Is it a tumour? Oh yeah, I saw you on TV last night! I thought they got rid of it?"
I was mortified.
Everybody heard and started looking at me and at my skin to see what he was talking about, so I just laughed it off and pretended I thought it was funny but I was devestated.
(Me and my sister were having lunch in town a couple of weeks ago and I told her this story for the first time, 3 years after it happened, and I started crying. I couldn't help myself! It affected me so much that to even discuss it makes me cry!)
After that, I walked around college with my folder in front of my face. If anyone looked at me funny I would pretend to chew the corners of the folder. I walked around looking at the floor so that nobody could see my face properly, and kept my hair down so that I could hide my face in classes.
I was miserable, I felt lonely and depressed and didn't understand why I was so ugly.
My mum realised how I felt and showed me a web-site she'd come across for the Skin Health Spa in Manchester. They specialised in aesthetic and cosmetic procedures to help diminish the effects of skin problems such as acne. We read about the different treatments and booked a consultation and ended up having sessions of microdermabrasion.
I noticed the difference straight away, my face was smoother and all the bumps underneath my skin that were noticeable even with make-up were gone! I kept having the treatment and eventually when my sessions came to an end I was happier with the way I looked. Happier, but not happy. I still thought my skin was bad.
I survived though, until I went to university.
I moved into university accomodation and was looking forward to a new experience but in my second year everything went wrong. My skin got so much worse!
I eventually moved home and that made me feel safer but I still didn't want to take off my make-up because I didn't want my family to think I was ugly.
I woke up one morning to get ready for my part time job, looked in the mirror and froze. My face had puffed up and it was covered in giant cysts. The spots on my cheeks were so big if I faced forward you could see them jutting off the side of my face. There wasn't a section uncovered.
I went to my mum's room where my mum, brother, and sister were sitting and hung around the doorway to see if they noticed, they all tried to tell me I looked fine but I didn't. I went to my room, sat in front of the mirror, and cried, I mean properly cried. Nothing anyone said helped.
(I nearly started crying as I wrote that! That was my lowest point so far, I hated myself)
Even though I was a mess my mum still made me go to work, she said I couldn't let acne stop me from continuing my life. I tried to hide my face with my hair but all day I wanted to cry because I knew that people were looking at me. In all honesty, it was probably my attitude and demeanour they were noticing more than anything! But in my head everybody was looking at me and judging me.
I couldn't sleep on my face, it was too painful and every morning when I woke up my pillow would be covered in blood from where I'd aggravated different spots in my sleep. I went back to the Skin Health Spa who were so comforting and didn't make me feel ugly at all. They even gave me free samples of facial cleansers! I had more microdermabrasion and tried the laser treatment but it was around this time that my mum found out about Roaccutane and I knew that if anything was going to make my acne disappear it would be that!
So there's a bit of background history on me and my skin! I've got some pictures of my face that I took in '07, '08, and '09 so I'll put some up so you can see! I didn't take a picture of my skin at my lowest point, I didn't particularly want a record of that memory, but I wish I had! I would have loved to compare my skin then to how I look now!
- Natalie
I've never had perfect skin; in high school I used to look at everyones faces and be jealous because nobody else seemed to have bad skin. Even the girls who were considered "fat" or "geeky" had nice skin so it made me upset when I thought about what people would say about me behind my back. This is when I started wearing make-up.
I remember being in dance class and having a conversation about appearances with some of the other girls and one said "Zahira [one of our class mates] is so ugly! She's got loads of spots, it's disgusting" and I froze; my skin was just as bad as Zahira's but I covered mine with foundation and concealer. I was mortified and I became more and more self conscious, I didn't want people calling me ugly!
By the time I started college in 2008 the acne had spread to my back, shoulders, and chest. This is when I started going to my GP and was prescribed creams and anti-biotics which had no effect.
I was wearing more and more make-up to cover the spots but I didn't know how to apply make-up also my skin is very pale so the majority of make-up I had made my face look orange and inadvertently made me stand out more.
I started getting large, painful cysts on my chin that were dry and couldn't be covered up with make-up so there was no way of hiding them. I used to pretend to be sick or beg my mum to let me have the day off because I was too embarassed to be seen. I went into college one day with one of these cysts on my chin and nobody seemed to notice so it made me feel more confident about myself.... until lunch time. The night before there had been a programme on TV about a man with a giant tumour on his face that looked like a "second head"; at lunchtime, a boy that I barely knew came over to me and said "What the hell is that on your face? Is it a tumour? Oh yeah, I saw you on TV last night! I thought they got rid of it?"
I was mortified.
Everybody heard and started looking at me and at my skin to see what he was talking about, so I just laughed it off and pretended I thought it was funny but I was devestated.
(Me and my sister were having lunch in town a couple of weeks ago and I told her this story for the first time, 3 years after it happened, and I started crying. I couldn't help myself! It affected me so much that to even discuss it makes me cry!)
After that, I walked around college with my folder in front of my face. If anyone looked at me funny I would pretend to chew the corners of the folder. I walked around looking at the floor so that nobody could see my face properly, and kept my hair down so that I could hide my face in classes.
I was miserable, I felt lonely and depressed and didn't understand why I was so ugly.
My mum realised how I felt and showed me a web-site she'd come across for the Skin Health Spa in Manchester. They specialised in aesthetic and cosmetic procedures to help diminish the effects of skin problems such as acne. We read about the different treatments and booked a consultation and ended up having sessions of microdermabrasion.
I noticed the difference straight away, my face was smoother and all the bumps underneath my skin that were noticeable even with make-up were gone! I kept having the treatment and eventually when my sessions came to an end I was happier with the way I looked. Happier, but not happy. I still thought my skin was bad.
I survived though, until I went to university.
I moved into university accomodation and was looking forward to a new experience but in my second year everything went wrong. My skin got so much worse!
- I wouldn't leave my room without make-up
- If I had taken my make-up off I wouldn't open the door to anyone, not even my best friend
- If my skin was especially bad, I wouldn't leave my room at all
- I couldn't talk to anyone because if they looked at me I thought they were looking at my face and would notice how ugly I was.
I eventually moved home and that made me feel safer but I still didn't want to take off my make-up because I didn't want my family to think I was ugly.
I woke up one morning to get ready for my part time job, looked in the mirror and froze. My face had puffed up and it was covered in giant cysts. The spots on my cheeks were so big if I faced forward you could see them jutting off the side of my face. There wasn't a section uncovered.
I went to my mum's room where my mum, brother, and sister were sitting and hung around the doorway to see if they noticed, they all tried to tell me I looked fine but I didn't. I went to my room, sat in front of the mirror, and cried, I mean properly cried. Nothing anyone said helped.
(I nearly started crying as I wrote that! That was my lowest point so far, I hated myself)
Even though I was a mess my mum still made me go to work, she said I couldn't let acne stop me from continuing my life. I tried to hide my face with my hair but all day I wanted to cry because I knew that people were looking at me. In all honesty, it was probably my attitude and demeanour they were noticing more than anything! But in my head everybody was looking at me and judging me.
I couldn't sleep on my face, it was too painful and every morning when I woke up my pillow would be covered in blood from where I'd aggravated different spots in my sleep. I went back to the Skin Health Spa who were so comforting and didn't make me feel ugly at all. They even gave me free samples of facial cleansers! I had more microdermabrasion and tried the laser treatment but it was around this time that my mum found out about Roaccutane and I knew that if anything was going to make my acne disappear it would be that!
So there's a bit of background history on me and my skin! I've got some pictures of my face that I took in '07, '08, and '09 so I'll put some up so you can see! I didn't take a picture of my skin at my lowest point, I didn't particularly want a record of that memory, but I wish I had! I would have loved to compare my skin then to how I look now!
- Natalie